Alice Doesn't Live Here: Myths and Realities of the Modern Stepfamily

For years, television's The Brady Bunch represented the prototype for the modern stepfamily. However, what appeared so simple on television really isn't. The myths associated with blending two separate families into one create a series of untenable goals which establish unrealistic expectations and an often undeserved sense of failure.

The Brady family began their merger with a home specifically designed for them; the children predominantly got along; and two prior spouses seemingly vanished into thin air never to be heard from again. Moreover, the notable credit for the success of the television Brady family went to Alice. She was the confidant and caretaker for the children; the chief cook and bottle washer; the keeper of secrets; the manager of all schedules; and the one who alone made all things appear simple. Under Alice's firm, yet gentle direction -- the Brady Bunch became a cohesive group symbolizing the ideal for the modern stepfamily. The ideal, however, is neither realistic nor attainable for most.

The real stepfamily faces challenges associated with assimilation into his home, her home, or acquiring an altogether new residence with sufficient room to accommodate the larger newly formed family. Juggling parenting time is challenging when one set of children follow a different schedule than the other set of children or when a former spouse presents as interference with efforts to create a new family dynamic. Former spouses rarely vanish into thin air, and new co-parents within a household must navigate the added trials associated with developing consistent house rules and appropriate consequences and their own sense of equilibrium (Schrodt & Braithwaite, 2011). Further, new marital partners in the context of second marriage often do not have the same opportunity to develop a marital relationship as those in first marriages which begin without children (Schrodt & Braithwaite, 2011). The presenting issues are simply unique -- though not necessarily more challenging that issues faced by in-tact first families. In 1988, Visher and Visher challenged the notion that stepfamilies were somehow more dysfunctional than most families of origin. While there certainly were unique issues associated with the formation of the new familial unit, it is more about recognizing the nuances of the blended family with therapeutic interventions rather than pathologizing it. Accordingly, counselors working with stepfamilies will benefit from specific education and an appreciation of unique obstacles stepfamilies encounter (Sayre, McCollum, & Spring, 2010). A developed understanding of the special needs presented by these families will better equip counselors to modify therapeutic interventions for the benefit of this unique population, which is certainly far more complex than what may be depicted on television.

References

Sayre, J.B., McCollum, E.E., and Spring, E.L. (2010). An outsider in my own home: Attachment injury in stepcouple relationships. Journal of Marital & Family Therapy 36 (4), 403-415.

Schrodt, P., & Braithwaite, D.O. (2011). Coparental communication, relational satisfaction, and mental health in stepfamilies. Personal Relationships 18, 352-369.

Visher E., & Visher, J. (1988). Old loyalties, new ties: Therapeutic strategies with stepfamilies. New York: Brunner/Mazel.